Tips for Supporting a Hospice Caregiver

When someone you care about is serving as a hospice caregiver, it can be hard to know how to help. Here are some ideas:

• Just show up: Don’t wait to be asked. Caregivers are often too exhausted or too focused on their loved one to reach out for help. Check in regularly with them.

• Make specific offers: “Let me know if you need anything” sounds helpful, but it can be difficult for the caregiver to know what to ask for. Instead, try:
  • “I’m picking up groceries tomorrow. Send me your list.”
  • “I’d like to sit with your mom for two hours on Saturday so you can get out.”
  • “I’m bringing dinner Wednesday. Does 6pm work?”

• Give the gift of time: One of the most valuable things you can offer is a few hours of relief. Sitting with the patient so the caregiver can sleep, take a walk, run errands, or simply be alone can be very helpful.

• Handle daily tasks: Caregivers are often drowning in practical tasks. Offer to handle things like meals, yard work, laundry, picking up prescriptions, or coordinating schedules with other family members.

• Check in on their wellbeing, not just the patient’s: It is natural to ask, “How is your father doing?” Try also asking “How are you doing?” and then really listen to the answer.

• Don’t offer advice unless asked: Caregivers are making hard decisions constantly. What they usually need is to feel heard, not guided. Listen without problem-solving unless they ask for your input.

• Stay in touch even when you feel helpless: A short text or note that says “I’m thinking of you” costs nothing and reminds the caregiver they are not invisible. You don’t have to have something useful to say.

• Remember that grief starts before the death: Caregivers often experience anticipatory grief, mourning the loss of the person they knew even while that person is still alive. Acknowledge this. It is real, and it is hard.

• Keep showing up after the death: The caregiving role ends, but the grief does not. The period after a loved one dies can feel scary and lonely. Continue reaching out in the weeks and months that follow.

At Hospice & Palliative Care of Iredell County, we believe that caring for the caregiver is just as important as caring for the patient. Our team provides caregivers with around-the-clock support, volunteer visits, respite care, personal care assistance, emotional support from social workers and chaplains, and more.

We also offer grief support that continues after your loved one has died, through our Bridges and Rainbow Kidz programs.

Training videos and printed resources are available to help you feel more confident and prepared every step of the way. View our Hospice Care or Palliative Care pages for more information on caregiver support available to you.

You are not in this alone. Reach out to our team at 704-873-4719 anytime with questions, concerns, or just to talk.